Better Tomorrow

(Hoon, 15 Jan 2008)

CJ finally decided to quit school. Sad? Of course, she has been my “playmate” since school started. But I always believe that 塞翁失马, 焉知非福, nobody can live without anyone.

It is a pity that she decided to give up without finding what she wants in life ( besides getting married I think…HA!) I’ll definitely will miss the days when we go play eat and drink together! :’(

Today I’m quite excited talking to a classmate. She is independent, always comfortable with herself and anyone she met, humorous but not hurting, analytical etc, always 身心自在～ cool.

I always have new discovery about myself every time I talk to her and she always guide me to handle myself better. She told me I’m always confused about my emotions and failed to realize I always have drastic change in my physical expression. I can be super high at one moment and then my face can turn black in the next moment as if someone owe me a thousand dollars, haha!

Been always confused (that was what exactly what CJ’s mother calculated for me. She said I’m confused with myself)`,I’ll tend to defend myself without knowing why I feel in a certain way and thus I have problem expressing my feeling to others. If I cannot even understand my emotions, how can I expect my friend to understand me?

On the other hand, I need to learn to express my state of mind to others for eg when I’m tired, stressed etc so others will know what is on my mind so they will know how should they react to me in a certain situation. She told me if I can understand myself better I am able to handle my relationship with others better.

At last there is someone who knows me and shows me the way to handle myself better. My friend told me I’ve improved a lot in handling myself for the past four months and I’m really glad to hear that!

I really appreciate my friends here. They always tell me they love me. Every time when I’m moody (strangely, sometimes I didnt even realize it myself, I just feel something is different in me:p),, they will always sacrifice their time for me in the mist of rushing their reports (though I never express my state of mind to them or request them to accompany me).

They told me I’m not a person who knows how to express myself when I’m moody, but they can sense, perhaps through observing my actions or expression. Really?Haha!

I'll try to be mindful about all my 起心动念 from now on...:p